Together for the Holidays

I was 25 years old and struggling! The Holidays had become somewhat of a burden after my Husband and I had our Son. Not only had it been hard the last year and a half driving to multiple different houses for the Holidays, but his Mother seemed to think that she could overrule where we are able to go and what time. No, we did not live with her and no, we did not owe her money. This was out of pure ego and control.

Before my Husband and I met, it was just him and his Daughter and his Mother and Brother. Their family is small and his Mother was adopted, so she did not have a lot of extended family members. She would always host family dinners at her house and be the one who coordinated everything. When I came along and we started progressing, I wanted to ensure that my family was able to be a part of our lives, especially after the birth of our son, but even before then. They had formed a special bond and relationship with him and his Daughter (now my Daughter too), that I felt having family gatherings as a large group would be such a great idea. Not only would it help us as we would not have to travel to so many places in one day, but it allowed everyone to see everyone for the holidays without time limitations. I thought it was a great idea, but I guess his Mother didn't.

Of course texting plans is my number one way to go, or even creating a Facebook event. Its easy to track responses and get things squared away quickly. We would have everything set in stone, what time we would need to be where, who was going to be there and what side dishes we would need to bring. We had separate chats for each Family, since his Mother did not want to combine the families to make it more efficient.

It's Thanksgiving, also my Mother's birthday, and we had decided to go to her house first. It was planned in advance and everyone knew what was going on, until his Mother decided to change it and advise that she never knew we were going to my family's house first and that she always has dinner at 3 pm on the Holidays. I let my Husband do the talking when it came to her fro obvious reasons and it would always end in an argument between them. She ended up not switching anything around, kept the 3 pm time and said that we should just not even come if we were going to be late.

In response to that, my Husband had gotten angry with me. He would try to make excuses for his Mother and say that she has always had dinner and this time and maybe I got confused on what time dinner was actually set for. This is where the text messages and group chats come into play. So I would politely remind him of the conversation and he would have to go back and talk to his Mother. This went on for years! & to be exact. It was horrible. Every year she would try to change things. and tell me that I must have "misheard her".

When we bought our first , we told everyone that we wanted to host dinner for the first time for Christmas. It was our first home that had enough space to cater to everyone, his family and mine included. We spoke to his Mother and she was happy with it and was excited that she did not have to cook the main dish for once. My family was on board and loved the idea and so was my Husband's Brother and his family. Then one day, the vibe just switched. His Mother had, I assumed, just realized that it would not just be her side of the family, but mine as well and had thought that we were hosting 2 separate dinners on 2 separate days for Christmas. For one, who does that? For two, she is just insane and three, I was not about to change our plans.

She got so upset at the fact that she would have to share the spotlight with my Parents that she didn't even come to dinner. I ended up having to have my Family over on Christmas Eve for Appetizers and my Husband's side of the family over on Christmas. It was just ridiculous. During Christmas, I did not give his Mother a gift, which I normally do. Everyone else got one and I returned hers. I may have been petty at that moment, but I was not about to show someone kindness when she did not see me or my family as equals.

After that year, we told everyone that we were not leaving for Christmas and was staying home to enjoy time with our family unit and if they wanted to come over they would have to come on the same day. His Mother finally came around and that was almost 5 years ago. The only reason it actual happened, was because she sold her nice home when the market was high and had to live in a small apartment. Thank God for that, because it made her humble.